Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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