I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
