Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
