If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
