My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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