no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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