Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
