i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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