when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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