If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
