He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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