I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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