If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
