Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
