I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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