I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize