so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
