I swear she didn't look like that last week.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
