Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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