we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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