make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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