This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
