did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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