just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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