Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
