Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
