so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
