He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
