Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
