yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
