??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You did what with his pubic hair?
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