cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
