My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
