my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
