I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
