You just made me feel so damn special
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
