Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
