You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
