I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
