I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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