I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
