Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize