4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You did what with his pubic hair?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
