we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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