I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She needs sedatives and a leash
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
