Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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