Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
