apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize