He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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