She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michael Bay diarrhea
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
