Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
