neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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