I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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