What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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