he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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