What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
