There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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