Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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