Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
