We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
