All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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