I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
