I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize