so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
